Why Do I Always Attract the Player?Jan 20, 2021
I hear the heartache stories daily, and the conversation ultimately leads to a statement similar to this. "I only get the ones that aren't available." "It seems no matter how I try, I just can't meet the right person." "I always seem to end up with the player."
These words, statements, and emotions pull at me for multiple reasons. I hear the emotional pain in the voices, and also, I realize that every person is entitled to the exact money, life, and yes, the love life they desire. But somewhere inside that person, they are calling in this relationship.
What do I mean by that?
Enter the rule of cause and effect. When we place ourselves at the effect of other people's behavior, we are at cause. We are ultimately responsible for our behavior and our life's condition. We may not realize how we are doing this to ourselves on the conscious level, but we are. Every day in every second, we are manifesting our reality in our outside world. Everyone is just us pushed out. We create this by consciously telling ourselves with our inner talk and thereby subconsciously drawing it to us. When we repeatedly tell ourselves, we don't have the exact love or relationship we want. Or someone who adores us, claims us, and willingly wants to be in our lives, the subconscious takes it as that. Simply what we wish more to appear in our reality.
The four top behaviors?
1.) You are just too damn nice! Somewhere in you believe you must be sweet as pie; you must give and give to have a person around you. So you attract the "takers." Thus ultimately leaving you emotionally, physically, and often financially drained and feeling unworthy, running faster and faster on your hamster wheel. The exact emotion underneath that you are looking to feed.
2.) You're emotionally unavailable. That statement may seem a little paradoxical, but we are a mirror image of our partner many times in life. You might be telling yourself you seek the love of your life, but where do your priorities indeed lay? Are you more invested in building your career and finances? Are you absorbed in an old story overflowing with toxic thoughts, preventing you from truly stepping up?
3.) You can't seem to stop replaying your past. You don't get through life without being hurt at some point. But instead of fully reconciling the emotions and inner wounds, you decide to shut down by making a conscious choice to keep selecting the same partner, hoping to get different results. When every time this fails, you can strengthen the story, you tell yourself. You are just not good at these types of things, and that is that. Sadly you are not genuinely being afraid of a future but of repeating the past pain.
4.) You don't believe you deserve it. There is a suffering of lack of self-worth, self-love, self-esteem, or a combination. You find that you consistently draw in people who assume you are broken and can be quickly taken advantage of by a perceived lack of boundaries. A victim mode takes hold, doing more damage to what is already lacking by confirming the self-perception you hold.
As I stated above, I believe everyone is entitled to the finances, life, and the love they desire. Further, every reason above results in an unhealed inner wound, old stories one continues to themselves and limiting beliefs designed to hold you back from living fully.
How do we become at cause in the positive instead of the negative?
It starts by getting honest with ourselves and getting comfortable by being uncomfortable by doing the inner work to release the limiting beliefs that prevent us from thriving at our highest good.
If you are ready to start the journey to breaking free and finding the love life you dream of, our 1:1 coaching may be just what you are seeking. We can offer NLP, hypnosis, Time techniques, and EFT to assist you on your path. Is coaching not a fit? Look for our online master course to be released soon.